Waiting, Watching and Wanting
by Otaku Asylum
Summary: Imprisoned forever in the undetground tunnels, a ginger-and-white tom finds himself waiting for something... Hollyleaf/Fallen Leaves one-shot


**One of my first fanfics that I thought I'd put up. One-shot about what would happen... I hope you enjoy. ^^**

Waiting

After he had started his new life, (Fallen Leaves refuses to believe that he was dead) Fallen Leaves felt, to the core of his being, that he was waiting. He didn't know what he was waiting for. Just that he was waiting. He sat down near one of the tunnels one day, to wait. His ghostly form stayed as still as stone all day, dawn till dusk. When nothing happened, the ginger-and-white tomcat got up.

He walked over to the large rock where Rock, the ancient spirit who governed over this underground prison, sat. "Rock, what am I waiting for?" he asks, knowing Rock knew everything.

The sightless tom turned his bulging eyes in Fallen Leaves direction. "You'll know when it comes, Fallen Leaves," he says cryptically, smiling devilishly. "You'll know when it comes." And that answer makes the ginger tomcat want to scream, scream until whatever he was waiting for came. But he doesn't, he just hisses and goes to wander the endless maze of tunnels. And he does, more moons than any cat can count.

He begins to lose hope, his meaningless wanderings driving the tom to the brink of sanity. He wishes he could run through the trees just outside the tunnels entrances, to feel the soft springy grass beneath his paws once more. To feel and taste the breeze that whistles through his fur.

But won't, can't, because he still feels the need to wait, wait forever if he has to. But for what?

Then one moon, a light brown tabby, curious eyes searching, pokes her head into the network of tunnels, and Fallen Leaves knows that his waiting is almost over, but not quite.

When the sun colored tom, Lionpaw the tabby, Heatherpaw, calls him, comes, Fallen Leaves can feel whatever he's waiting for getting closer, so close that he can nearly touch it, but it's still not within his grasp, tauntingly dancing away from his outstretched paws.

When the two young cats come into the tunnels at night, to play in the make believe DarkClan, he talks to them, asking them anything and everything that's been on his mind all those moons. But, he soon realizes, they can't hear him. To them, he's just the whisper of a breeze, a flicker of shadows on the tunnel wall.

And this realization makes the tom want to scream, to curse, to stomp on the ground, to do anything that will draw attention to himself. Rock stares sightlessly down at him, amused by the tom's plight. "Why?" Fallen Leaves asks him, already knowing the answer, the same one he's been getting since it started.

"You'll know when it comes," says Rock, his ugly maw twisting into a ghoulish grin, mocking Fallen Leaves. And he wants to scream some more, but doesn't, because he feels another presence in the tunnels, another soul who has made its way into the spanning tunnels.

He runs, with all of the fibers in his intangible being, to the other presence, to converse it, to see if it can hear him. Fallen Leaves reaches the soul, a gray tabby, wondering if this was who he was waiting for. But, he feels, this isn't the one, the one who he's been longing for, but he's very much closer.

And then something new happens, the final moments of Fallen Leaves first life play again, to taunt the ginger tom, to make him want to curl up and die again. And the gray tabby follows the shadows of Fallen Leave's final moments of life, quietly taking in the way the tom found his way around the tunnels. And the present Fallen Leaves screams at the tom, asking him what he is waiting for, but he can't hear him. He can only hear the past shadows, not the present spirit trying to talk to him.

Then the flood, the great amount of water that carried away the body and left it as an empty shell, its soul forced to walk the tunnels for eternity, waiting.

The gray tabby is also swept away, his screaming echoing Fallen Leaves insistent yowling, still trying to contact the cat. But the river carries him away, leaving the ginger tom alone with Rock again, to wait.

Fallen Leaves is losing hope, he teeters on the edge of sanity, almost giving in to its tempting numbness. But he resists, telling himself to wait just a bit longer, because he can feel it drawing near, whatever he's waiting for.

One night a few sunrises later, three curious kits wander into the tunnels, their scent similar to that of the brown tabby, Heatherpaw. They squeal in excitement, their greedy eyes already roaming the tunnels, as if they are forming their first adventure.

But Fallen Leaves just ignores them, they do not interest him, they are not what he is waiting for.

So he waits.

Watching

Not long after the kits enter the tunnels, all of the cats who had recently entered the tunnels come, with a few others Fallen Leaves has never seen before. And his long silent heart leaps; he knows his waiting is over. As he gazes at the shadowed pelt of the black she-cat, her emerald green eyes flicking nervously in every direction, he knows that she is the one he was waiting for. He greedily watches her every movement, her every paw step, her every breath. He watches her follow the others, scared of the creeping darkness of the tunnels. He longs to comfort her, to hold her and tell her everything will be all right. But he cannot, because his torment is not over. He follows her, watching every muscle in her pelt of shadows move.

Then he realizes that they're looking for the kits. And he must help her, she would have to acknowledge him after that. So he runs through the tunnels, nothing more than a whisper on the breeze. He heads to the south eastern tunnels, following the kits scent, believing every step is one more in her direction.

He spots the kits, he could yowl his thanks at having been trapped so long, having memorized the tunnel ways. He returns to the group of older cats, to her, and he pads up to her, and he starts asking her to follow him, to let him show her the way to the kits.

But she can't hear him, can't even see him. But the gray tabby can, and he turns his peculiar dark blue eyes toward the jabbering ginger tom. "Fallen Leaves!" he mews. The gray tabby's call snaps Fallen Leaves out of his insane stupor, like having cold water splashed onto him.

He turns his green pools of sorrow onto the tabby. "Yes, what is it?"

"You know where the kits are?" the tom presses, his blue eyes starting to shine with hope. By now the other cats had noticed the gray tabby stop, and now he was talking to himself. The black she-cat turned her intense green eyes on the gray tabby, sending a wave of pain through Fallen Leaves. She was looking right through him.

"Are you all right Jaypaw?" she asks, her voice like that of a warm Green-Leaf breeze, making Fallen Leaves heart melt. But he nods at Jaypaw, his belly full of long dormant butterflies. He leads the group of cats to the kits, feeling like he was walking on clouds. He kept casting glances behind him, to catch looks into the green pools of her eyes. When he presents her with the kits, he feels his soul soar when her eyes light up in relief.

After the kits were collected, he leads the cats back to the main tunnel, and a cold claw slashed at Fallen Leaves heart. The dark river was rising, looking for another victim to drag into its cruel depths. And Fallen Leaves feels an odd sense of hope, because if she perishes in the tunnels, she will be his, and he won't be alone anymore. But, he thinks, did he want to condemn her to an eternity of walking the tunnels in this life?

The thought of having her walk beside him forever is a tempting thing, like a delectable piece of prey dangling in front of his hungry soul. But he fights it. So he leaves, running away from her, to keep the hungry monster inside him away from her. Jaypaw calls him back, begging him not to leave, but he's already gone.

He stops running when he hears their screams, her screams. And he wishes that he had stayed, to guide them out of the tunnels, to safety. But he couldn't, the monster wouldn't let him. So he sat down with his head bowed, tail wrapped around him, like he was trying to hold himself together.

When he finally makes himself move, he doesn't know how long he had sat there. And he doesn't care, he just knows that something awful had happened and he walks to the main tunnel, ready to see her torn body floating in the river, pounded to death by the vicious waves.

But he hears noises outside the tunnels, and a familiar voice drifts to him. His heart gives a jolt as he recognizes her voice. He screeches his joy and relief as he runs to get to her. But when he is just outside the vicinity of his tunnel prison, he is pulled off his paws. He snarls at the shadowy tendrils entangling him, pulling him back into the suffocating darkness of the underworld. He screams and curses them, trying to will them to get off of him, to leave him alone. But they continue to drag him down, down, down….

So he watches.

Wanting

He wants lots of things. He wants to feel the breeze run through his fur, carrying the scent of prey and water. He wants to run on the soft ground, to feel the springy grass beneath his paws. He wants to feel his heart race when he leaps into battle, to feel his claws and teeth meet another cat's pelt. He wants to share his thoughts with others, wants to have other cats hear his story, his tale of waiting, watching, wanting. Everything he can't have.

And he wants one thing more than all the rest, the most forbidden thing for him. He wants her. He wants to twine his tail with hers, to press his ginger-and-white pelt to her black pelt of shadows. To whisper in her ear, making her ear fur tickle his nose. He wants to listen to her voice forever, to listen to every trouble she's ever had. Another thing to add to the never ending list of things he can never have.

He watches her from the shadows of the tunnels whenever she draws close enough, his heart soaring and breaking whenever she shows. And he eventually learns her name, one day, from one of the other cats. Hollyleaf.

Such a simple name, but one that sends shivers through the shadowy being of Fallen Leaves. He sighs one day while watching her chase a mouse, realizing that he doesn't just want her now, he needs her. He needs her to be his beacon of hope, so he can wish for something with every fiber of his being. So he won't fade out of existence.

He asks Rock, knowing he can't answer like he has for all these moons. The sightless tom just laughs at him, his hairless sides heaving, and his bulging eyes trained on him. "Stupid lovesick cat," He hoots, more laughter ensuing, echoing off the tunnel walls, making it sound like a whole clan of cats are laughing at him.

Fallen Leaves wants to jump on the ugly bulging eyed cat, to rip everything he is to shreds, just to have the satisfaction of hurting his long time tormentor. But he doesn't. He just spits a few curses at the sightless cat, and runs for the tunnels entrance, to catch another sight of his beloved.

Then, one night, he hears her familiar voice, contorted in pain. And he runs to the tunnel where he can hear it. He watches the scene play out, watches as Hollyleaf screeches at her brothers, Jayfeather and Lionblaze, telling them she had no choice, that she had to kill Ashfur, that she had to reveal who her real parents were. She snarls at their comforting paws, trying to make her come back to them, she continues to back away from them, deeper and deeper into the tunnels.

And closer to Fallen Leaves. He can feel himself wanting to get closer to her, to comfort her in her moment of near insanity, for he'd been there before, before she saved him. He wanted to save her this time, to give her something of himself. Then the dirt of the tunnel starts to fall, wanting to bury her in its dark embrace, to trap her for all eternity.

The ginger tomcat can feel himself scream along with Jayfeather and Lionblaze, telling her to get out of the way. But she ignores them, tears blurring her vision and emotion deafen her to their begging.

"No, no, no!" Fallen Leaves screams at her, wanting to be heard. "You don't want this! You don't want to spend eternity here in these death trap tunnels, never being able to feel grass beneath your paws or the wind blow through your fur! You have to live!"

Hollyleaf finally looks up at the ceiling of the tunnel, it beginning to collapse. She runs deeper into the tunnels, trying to escape the accusing glares of her clanmates. The tunnel finally gives, trying to encase her forever in its cool embrace. But she flies down deeper into the tunnels escaping its tries at burying her. Fallen Leaves is right at her side, running with her, silently screaming his encouragement. She hits the main tunnel, sides heaving, still alive. She falls to her side, trying to catch her breath.

Fallen Leaves is right at her side, faithful as ever, and he sits next to her, giving her head a gentle lick. But she doesn't feel it, doesn't acknowledge him. And he knows this, this is all he can ever do.

But he accepts it, knowing that just having her here like this is a miracle in it of itself. Yet he can't keep his soul from screaming for her.

So he wants.


End file.
